| Custom Module... yay... |
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| I don't have anything to put here really... Ummm... here's a link to my website:
Alright. Peace out. |
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| Lately, I feel like I live alone. Anita seems to go out more nights than she stays in, and when she goes out, she usually comes back late (around 2:30-3am), so I'm usually in bed. When she does stay home, she just hides in her room all night, with her door closed. She doesn't even come out to watch TV with me anymore. Why does she close her door? I couldn't close my door, even if I wanted to. She still has all of her clothes in my room. If she's going to completely cut me off from her life, then I should move all of her stuff into her room. She's using my nice, big monitor, too. I should take that back. What really bugs me is how she'll suddenly take an interest in what's going on outside her room when I bring friends over. I know, it's totally selfish, because they're her friends too, but I just want to tell her "go away! They're here to visit me, not you!" Has she even made any attempt to hang out with any of our mutual friends? I don't think she has... she's too busy hanging out with Kevin. If I'm putting in the effort to hang out with them, why should she share in any of the benefits? Ok, I shouldn't think like that. It certainly wouldn't be fair of me to try to force any of our friends to take sides. I think I just get annoyed with anything Anita does. If she talks to me, I'm annoyed because she's trying to be friends too soon. If she doesn't talk to me, I'm annoyed because she's trying to cut me out of her life. I'm not being reasonable. Maybe I really can't keep living with her for another 6 months. Well, despite the above rant, I'm actually not doing too bad right now. I wouldn't exactly say I'm happy, but I'm not feeling particularly sad either. I guess I'm just.. content. Perhaps it's just a phase. I can't imagine I'm completely over someone I dated for 4.5 years after less than two weeks... but I'm certainly feeling better than I was a week ago. I'm sure there's more heartbreak to come... I'm still doing my best to block out all the unpleasant things that come to mind when I imagine her dating someone new... but at least for now, I'm content. I just hope it lasts for a while...
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| I feel very lonely right now. It seems everyone is out having fun except me. I'm home alone, and there's no one online to talk to. It's not halloween yet, but there seem to be parties tonight anyway. Somehow, everyone seems to have plans for halloween except me. The feeling of loneliness right now seems worse than I've ever felt. It's unbearable. The night's almost over, and I'm getting sleepy, but I don't think this feeling will end tonight. Tomorrow night will probably be just as bad. What can I do? Even things that would normally keep me entertained on my own aren't helping much. I feel like I'm stranded alone on an island in the middle of the ocean. I just wish I had someone here... sitting next to me. That's all it would take. It seems like such a simple remedy, but I'm not so lucky. I want this weekend to end. Quickly.
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| Today wasn't too bad. I went home early because I was coughing too much (ok, that part of the day wasn't too good), turned on the TV, and worked on a fun puzzle ball. Anita went out to dinner then bowling after work, so I haven't seen her all night. The puzzle kept me busy most of the night, which was nice. I'm done with it though... it looks pretty cool, but I'm starting to get a bit bored. There's no one online to talk to either.. and TV gets kinda boring after 8 or 9 pm. What to do.. what to do... I dunno. I guess for now, I'll just sit back, relax, and watch reruns on the Disney channel. That will probably be enough for tonight...
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| Today, I did a few of things that may seen insignificant, but to me they still mean something. I took down a picture I have at work of Anita and myself from when we were visiting my parents in Utah. It's not that big of a deal, really. I mean, the picture is behind me, so it's not like I even looked at it much. It was still kinda sad taking it down, though. I took her number off my speed dial. Hers was the only number on my speed dial, actually. And now that I think about it, it probably wasn't that good of an idea to take her off because I'll still have to call her everyday when I pick her up from work (we still carpool since she doesn't have a car). But still... it doesn't feel right to have her as number 1 on my speed dial, and since I don't have anyone else on there, I took her off. I had lunch with my co-workers and told them my Mondays are free now. For a long time, Anita and I always had lunch together on Mondays. It was the one day of the week she didn't have food at eat at work, so I always ate with her. My co-workers knew not to come get me for lunch because I always had other plans. Now, my Mondays are free...
You know, she didn't waste any time changing her status on Facebook to single. We broke up on Saturday, and Sunday morning, I checked Facebook and she had already changed it. I guess she was eager to tell the world that we broke up. After seeing that, I quickly changed my status too. She keeps asking if I'm ok. What am I supposed to say to that? Of course I'm upset about her breaking up with me. And the last two nights, I was out a bit late, and she texted me asking when I was getting back. Why does she care when I get back? It's kinda annoying me. I just want to tell her that it's none of her business anymore, but that would be mean. I don't want to be mean. On a side note, apparently Xanga is in some way blocked at my work. It's kinda weird, though. It's not completely blocked... I just get an error from Xanga. So, I've connected my phone to my laptop to go online. Xanga's working perfectly fine through my phone. Kinda sad, isn't it?
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| That's right, I'm back to my old xanga site.
So... Anita and I broke up. After 4.5 years, it's over. I'm not really sure what to do next. I'm not really feeling much yet. I've been so miserable lately that it's almost a relief. I'm sure it will hit me sometime... and it won't be pleasant... But for now, I'm ok. My biggest concern at the moment is how I'll prevent myself from being bored. Anita is lucky... Kevin lives nearby and always seems to be free to hang out with her. My friends are far away and often busy. *sigh* Anyway, TV is entertaining me at the moment, but I'm quickly running out of things to watch. And I miss having someone to watch TV with...
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Lifetime